I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
