I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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