I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
