here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize