I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we have pet lesbian snakes
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize