I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
