To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
