I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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