SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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