eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
