I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
