Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
