I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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