I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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