Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
