very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
