"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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