I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
