Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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