her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Thank you for not boning my boss.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
