I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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