i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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