I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
