We need to start having sex underwater more often.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
