i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
