You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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