Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
