friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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