Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
