Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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