Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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