"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize