pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
