Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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