OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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