well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
