If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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