My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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