My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
