she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i now understand why vodka
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
