I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
