you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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