I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
