he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have aggressive nipples.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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