spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
