I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
