Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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