Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
