Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
