Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
that may or may not have been my penis.
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