The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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