Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
