it was like his penis was on wheels.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
