saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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