new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
