Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
