the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize