I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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