i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
