he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
