I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
