i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize