I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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