32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize