I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
