I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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