I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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