She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
