mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
