your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
