So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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