She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
