he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
