You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
