Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
