in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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