just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize