Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
