I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Even my vagina gasped.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
