so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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