I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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