i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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