I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
