I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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