I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
