yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
