I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i love accidental penises.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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