Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
