he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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