You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
