I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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