carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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