Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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