i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The air taste purple.
Randomize
